God has been asking me this very question for a year. I have been asking him to show me the lies I believe as truth. I felt there were things I just wasn’t able to see. I asked Him to let me see with His eyes and hear with His ears. He’s had to have me take a look at my past as far back as my childhood to identify some deep rooted strongholds. What I found to be the truth in my life is that I have been trying to please man. In my heart I wanted to please God but my actions have been to get the approval of man. I went through a lot of abuse in my childhood. When you go through such things you begin to try and change yourself into whatever you need to be to make it stop. The truth is there is nothing I could do to make it better because I WAS NOT THE PROBLEM!!! The truth is there was no behavior I had that called for what was happening to me. My father had strongholds that caused his behavior. God began to show me that is where the seeds of pleasing others got sown in to my life. I wasn’t very popular in school. As a matter of fact I got bullied and made fun of a lot. I began to create a version of myself with partial truths and lies to be accepted by others. My abuse and school challenges set up a powerful stronghold of rejection which produced the activity of people pleasing. I have spent a lifetime of being a double minded woman unstable in all her ways James 1:8. I CHOSE to let the reactions and feelings of others dictate MY CHOICES… even down to my obedience to God. I have been chasing after the love and approval of men my whole life. I wanted to feel loved, like I was worth chasing but never did. I wanted to fit in somewhere, anywhere. I wanted to belong! God has begun to open my eyes to His love. I have had people who have prayed over me several different times this last year. The one constant thing they would tell me God told them was that I was looking for a love that only He could give me. He’s showing me He didn’t create me to fit in, He created me to stand out. He showed me that I am worth chasing and that He had been doing that very thing my whole life. So today I am in a place where I am starting to ask myself what my motivation is behind my decisions. I’ve spent my whole life caring what everyone thought about me except the One who gave me my life and my purpose for being here. So if I’m going to change for someone I want it to be for the One who already accepts me just as I am. He is not a Man that He should lie and He has no hidden agendas. He is not manipulative and controlling. He knows the plans He has for me. He is faithful and just to complete them. Every choice you make comes from a heart condition we just have to seek the Holy Spirit to make sure we have the right heart condition. I’m going to be a Jesus pleaser because He holds my future today and everyday.
It’s funny… my title is the advice my mother has given me my whole life. She would always say don’t make a decision till you hear from God. Be still and know that he is God. My problem was the be still part… the waiting part!!! I would try to be still and wait, thinking He was going to come in and do some magical miracle that would make everything feel better. I have made most all my decisions off feelings and emotions all my life. I would tell myself God must need some help from me to bring this good feeling forth. As if God needs “my help” to do anything lol. So I have spent a lifetime in this very vicious cycle. The Holy Spirit is teaching me in this not sure season that I do have a part in the waiting. I have had to look back on all my other “trying to wait” experiences and see what went wrong. I would go to some Spirit filled meeting walk out drunk in the Holy Ghost and say I’m ready to do this thing yeah!!! Then in a couple of days thoughts, feelings, and emotions would bombard me and I would set off in my own strength to do a thing. I had to ask myself hard questions like how bad do you want the things God has for you? Are you willing to give up what He’s asking to get it? Do you really trust Him in all things? The answer was I do but… I’m afraid, that’s to hard, I don’t know how, and I want what I want. It just doesn’t work that way. So I went through some more of the cycle pattern learning and gleaning something new each time. Here I am today in the “not sure season”, “be still season”, “wait on God season” yet again. What’s different today then all those years of crazy? I now know my part!!! My job is to stay close to Him, closer than I ever have. I am surrendering all those things my “thoughts, feelings, and emotions” say I need to be complete. The word says in Romans 12:2 be no longer conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. It also says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to God. The Holy Spirit has shown me the most powerful thing I have besides Him is my right to choose. There’s not a devil in hell or a human on the planet that can make a choice for me. They can influence them sometimes but when it comes down to it I make the choice. Surrendering and submission are hand in hand. In the surrender comes the submission. I surrender those things that the devil, the world, and even myself say that don’t line up with what God said Thank you Jesus. That very act is what empowers me to submit to the Lord. I surrender my wants (my will) and God pours out His will (His wants) for me. James 4:7 says submit yourself to God, resist the devil, and he will flee. I have been trying for years to rebuke the devil in the name of Jesus spitting and screaming out. I missed the submission part because if we are all honest we don’t like that part because it cost us something. But in my experience I have come to know that if it “feels good” and “looks good” on the front side I need to pray about it. Satan’s ways always seem easy and good on the front side. We never see what it’s about to cost us and it is always more than we can afford to pay I promise you. God however, though His ways may seem hard and impossible at times is very transparent. He shows you the cost up front. That in itself is why we struggle with the obedience part. It’s seems like to much and we don’t always understand why. But oh the exceedingly and abundantly above all we could ask or think if we make it through the not sure, be still, wait on God season. He’s showing me that He’s not trying to keep anything from me I’m just not quite ready for it yet. This is my season for Him to prepare me to receive what He has for me. He has put a lot of material in my life lately. I would recommend Lies Woman Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free. They have one for men as well written by husband and wife. Also Victory over the Darkness, Bondage Breaker, and Steps to Freedom in Christ all by Neil T. Anderson. I have found so much freedom in this material. If you can relate to anything I’ve said I pray you will take a look at these books.
Holy Spirit I thank you for Your guidance in sharing my experiences I pray that You take this word You gave me and move over the hearts of people. I call people out of the darkness into Your marvelous light. I command the blinders caused by satans lies to fall off the lost and the saved in Jesus Name. I thank you for the men and women you poured through to write these books and for the anointing that flows to bring freedom in you Jesus. I thank you and praise you for all you are doing in these days. Help us to trust only You and to not lean to our own understanding In Jesus Mighty Name. Amen.